


Almost gone

by Donya



Series: King of sorrow [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Mpreg, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Loki seem to be happy together. To keep it that way, Loki gets pregnant. Tony, however, is not an enthusiast of such surprises. To teach him a lesson and help him understand that he does indeed want to start a family with his former enemy, Loki leaves him for a few days... and gets caught by the vengeful Chitauri.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost gone

Loki never thought he would start a family with Tony.

It was just uncomplicated sex, the thing between them, a meaningless stress relief, nothing more. They did not talk much, everything was clear and uncomplicated. Loki knew his place, it was not beside Tony. That's what he told himself, until he noticed some minor, seemingly trivial changes. Tiny signs of the budding affection, more consideration, longer embraces, sweeter kisses, learning each other's habits and preferences. Weeks passed, then months and Tony nonchalantly asked Loki to move in. That was something more than lust.

Loki expressed his love first and regretted it straight away. Tony blushed and then had a badly hidden anxiety attack. His, 'I love you too' seemed forced and false but Loki accepted it. He had no intention of ending his relationship with Tony, not when Thor and other Avengers were so openly displeased with Tony's choice. They saw Loki as a cunning manipulative liar who wants to take advantage of Stark, as a recompense for the shameful defeat from the past . That sounded better than the truth.

Soon, it dawned on Loki how fragile that new arrangement was. It was not in Tony's nature to be faithful to one lover or to settle down. His feelings might change any moment and there would be nothing Loki could do about that. He had to prevent that situation from happening and tie Stark to him by an unbreakable bond.

First symptoms of pregnancy were not pleasant yet Loki welcomed them gladly. His weakened state and a sudden aversion to milk worried Tony, the poor, naive mortal. Loki wondered how to tell him the joyous news. Gently? Bluntly? Show him a pair of tiny pastel-coloured socks? Pretend to be shocked and apologetic? He ended up crying out, 'Carefully, I'm with child!' when Tony violently pushed him onto the bed and roughly pinned him down.

'Yeah, right,' Tony scoffed and ground his hips against Loki's bottom. 'If you don't want to have sex, just say it.'

'Get off me, you brute, you're squeezing your own child!' Loki gasped out desperately, squirming under the solid weight of Tony's body. He could understand Tony's reaction, they both enjoyed that kind of foreplay, yet now it seemed dangerous. Plus, lying on his stomach did not ease the nausea.

'Fine,' Tony lifted himself and sat up between Loki's legs. 'Just tell me why you're pushing me away. You never refused me before. Are you- oh my GOD, are you cheating on me? Ah! That's why you've been so distarcted lately, you fucking slut, I should have known! Who's that? That fucking Fandral?!'

'What? Are you deaf? I'm pregnant, you idiot!' Loki snarled, deeply offended by that accusation. It'd been ages since he last let Fandral entertain him.

'Can you stop with that pregnancy? That's the most pathetic lie! Did you let Fandral fuck you here? On my bed? Don't even answer, you whore.'

 

For once in his life Loki was honest and that should be more surprising than the pregnancy itself. However, discovering- and accepting- that a male god was carrying his child was a major challenge for Tony.

'That's not possible!' He would repeat frantically, his face dangerously red and chest heaving violently. 'Not possible!'

Loki did not protest and dutifully took pregnancy tests Tony gave him in a vain hope that the clear confirmation of his state would turn Tony into a loving and caring future daddy.

'How can you be pregnant? Is this a joke? One of your unfunny magic jokes?' Tony would yell at him, only to apologise later and ask softly to just end this madness.

'Yeah, you got me, I almost had a heart attack, you won, now admit it's just a prank, ok? Lokes?'

 

Loki let the Midgardian healers test his blood and scan his abdomen. Tony stared at the monitor, watched his child's first uncoordinated movements and still mumbled that it was not possible. Loki secretly admired the Midgardian technology that allowed him to see the unborn and could not stop himself from smiling, although he tried to keep his face straight. He didn't expect to see the heartbeat flickering on the screen or tiny legs and arms sticking out. That black-and-white bean was his and Tony's heir.

'I can't believe it,' Tony informed everyone, including the baby. 'This has to be a magic trick.'

 

The constant question of how on earth Loki could get pregnant became increasingly more vexing and upsetting. Tony continued to negate the existence of his child and vehemently refused to acknowledge Loki's cravings and mood swings. They did not discuss the name nor did they make any decision regarding the nursery. Nobody indulged Loki with sour or salty treats at midnight, no one gave him first adorably tiny socks for a newborn. Tony's exaggerated panic and denial stopped being amusing. Loki needed someone to count on, not an unstable, immature fool that only exasperated him.

Another week of the pregnancy, another scan and the familiar, hysteric question. Tony got all the evidence he could get and yet he would not accept the new situation. To teach him a lesson and scare him a little, Loki left without a warning. Tony was supposed to appreciate him and realise he actually wanted the baby. A few days in Asgard might help Loki relax, he needed some peace and quiet.

 

In his arrogance, Loki was loath to admit that the secret passages between the realms were known not only to him. Before he understood what was happening, he was caught and immobilised. The threat he once heard was true- the Chitauri found him.

Back to the world of shadows and cold, Loki cursed himself for all his mistakes. That was his fault, a long chain of wrong decisions and poor life choices led him there. Memories of cruel torment he had experienced now returned and his heart sank. There was no hope for his child, the Other and Thanos would love to take it away from Loki. The truest apologies and the most heartbreaking pleas for mercy changed nothing. 

Shackles and chains, and solitude puzzled Loki. Helpless, unable to free himself or protect the unborn, he almost accepted the unavoidable tragedy that did not happen. He was left alone, the only time he saw his captors was when they brought him tasteless, greyish mush. Ravenous, Loki shut his eyes and swallowed what he was given, for the sake of the baby. How he missed salted butter and sour cream. How he regretted wasting food in the past.

 

It took him a while to comprehend the nature of his punishment. Chaotic thoughts, self-blame and remorse did not help, nor did the first weak kick of Tony's son. Somehow Loki felt it was a boy, a strong little prince. The little one was already in danger, failed by his mother.

 _I'm the worst parent_ , he thought one day, it's better that the baby will never be born. _I would only disappoint him._  
_No one is looking for me_ , he whispered the next week. _Tony must be overjoyed, he got rid of the problem I was. And Thor, Odin and Frigga, they are relieved that I'm gone for good._

Self-pity and misery clouded Loki's mind and weakened his will. Against all odds, the baby grew inside him, although Loki begged the gods to keep his stomach flat. Maybe the Chitauri would forget about the unborn, maybe not all hope was lost.

Loki contemplated his actions and acknowledged he could have done everything differently but now it was too late. His fate was sealed, the baby boy doomed. It was a lesser evil, losing the child now, losing Tony. They would never truly love Loki, no one had ever loved him, not even his real father. Loki was only a problem, that ungrateful, troublesome creature, little liar.

More frequent and stronger movements of the baby were a clear sign of his rapid development and the passing time. Loki could not avoid the horrible truth. He knew why the baby was allowed to live. One can endure the most cruel and sophisticated torture but no one has enough willpower to idly watch their child suffering. The Other wanted the baby alive, either to turn it against Loki or just to kill it right after the birth. And those depressing thoughts that did not let Loki sleep? That voice inside his head, was that the Other? He managed to manipulate Loki once, poisoned his mind and forced him to attack Midgard. Perhaps he had new plans for Loki, another mission.

None of the things Loki deemed important mattered now. His thirst for power, his embarrassing need of approval and attention, or the vision of Thor and Odin on their knees at his feet. He just wanted to turn back time, undo all his wrongs, stay away from Tony, let him be happy with someone else.

The baby had little room now and kicked less often. Loki wished the due day would never come. He decided he would not let the Other lay a finger on the child, even if that meant... Loki would do that, press the baby's face to his shoulder and cuddle it into the deepest sleep.

 

It always hurt to daydream about being rescued by Tony but Loki could not stop. He wept as he imagined Tony's strong hands breaking the chains. That was so pointless, Tony surely celebrated his newly regained freedom and had no plans to search for his deceitful lover.

'Lokes, there you are!' Tony said in Loki's fantasy. 'I've been looking everywhere for you! Come, let's go home.'

 

They were running out of time, Loki and the baby. Each day brought them closer to the inevitable horror and there was nothing Loki could do to prevent it. His promises and pleading were ignored.

 

'Loki!' Tony whispered, just as he always did in Loki's dreams. 'Whoa, you're huge. I mean, you're glowing.'

Apathetic and resigned, Loki did not even try to move, it was just an illusion, Tony was not there. The chains were not really broken, he was not embraced and lifted, it was only his imagination.

'Damn it, Loki, help me help you, will you?' Tony snapped and pulled Loki up, complaining about his weight. Some distant sounds of a battle, Thor's voice, that had to be a part of the dream.

'No, don't close your eyes, stay with me!' Tony urged him, his cold metal arms almost crushing Loki's ribs. 'Yeah, of course you have to faint now!'

 

The first thing Loki noticed was warmth surrounding him, then the softness of the sheets and the fresh smell. He was not shivering, his ankles and wrists aching but free from the restraints. It was so unreal. Carefully, he opened his eyes, prepared to see the inky darkness and the face of the Other, his terrifying grin.

Loki was in his chamber in Asgard. Vast windows opened wide to let in the balmy air and sunlight, his green cape draped over one of the comfortable armchairs, abandoned spellbooks, a tall glass of clean water on the nightstand. Confusion. In his dreams, he always imagined returning to Tony's tower. That was his real home, or at least used to be.

Heavy door opened and Tony walked in, holding a plate of fruits and chewing loudly. His expression softened when he spotted Loki.

'Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. Finally you're awake. You have _no_ idea how bored I am here. Absolutely no wifi. No decent booze. I think I've eaten rotten fish and-'

'Are you real?' Loki asked cautiously, he could not let himself believe it. 'Is this a dream?'

'That'd be the worst dream I've ever had,' Tony chuckled but quickly added in a more serious tone, 'yes, this is real. I've found you. I mean, Thor found you but I brought you here and the, umm, baby.'

Loki automatically hugged his rounded up belly. Tony sat next to him and started his long, well-prepared speech that Loki interrupted by incoherent yet the most sincere apologies. He wanted to say how sorry he was for all the pain he had caused but the relief was so overwhelming that he just sobbed in Tony's arms. He cried out all those tears he had been holding back for months.

 

Loki was malnourished and exhausted, he was out of breath halfway to the bathroom. Frigga and healers assured him that, given the circumstances, there was nothing to worry about and recommended bed rest. Loki did not argue, he felt the safest curled up at Tony's side. However, Tony was not ill and lying down all day sounded like a torture to him. Loki had no courage to say how much he would appreciate Tony's presence, he already was an awfully difficult boyfriend.

He should have got used to solitude by now. Too heavy to move effortlessly, too weak to lift a book, Loki lay on his side, slowly stroking his belly and talked to the baby. Now there was nothing to fear, now the little one could join them whenever he felt ready.

Relieved that it was Tony who witnessed his breakdown, Loki composed himself and his meeting with Thor and Odin was far less emotional. He coolly expressed his gratitude for their help. Judging from the look on their faces, they were disappointed that Loki did not wish to reconcile and didn't beg for their forgiveness. Safe and sound, Loki returned to his usual unapologetic self.

Tony would wander around the palace, test the local mead and wine and say how idiotic he looked in the Asgardian attire. He would feed Loki and chatter about his plans for the baby Stark. Never hinted if he suspected the pregnancy was not accidental.

 

The waters broke and Tony behaved like a real man- vomited and ran away on his wobbly legs, leaving Loki with Frigga. The ordeal lasted for hours, excruciating pain rendered Loki speechless, his world reduced to contractions and Frigga's encouragements and commands. One last push and he heard the weakest whimpering, the baby did not cry. Laid on Loki's chest, the boy calmed down instantly and his dark eyes inspected the new environment curiously. He was real, safely delivered and alive. Loki tearfully apologised to him for putting his life in danger. The boy just gripped his finger tightly and only cried out when Frigga gently wiped him with the softest towel.

Tony returned, trembling and babbling, tears glistening on his cheeks. The newborn, now wrapped in an embroidered blanket, was sleeping peacefully in Loki's arms and missed meeting his father.

'Oh my God, he's so little, is he ok? Why is he so tiny, your belly was enormous. Is he breathing?'

'Yes, of course. Would I be this peaceful if he wasn't?'

Tony carefully touched the baby's head and laughed nervously, the baby's skin was so delightfully soft.

'Ten toes, ten fingers,' Loki whispered, answering the question Tony did not dare to ask, 'no scales.'

'You did a great job,' Tony praised him and announced firmly, 'I'm taking you both home as soon as you feel better.'

Home. Family. Loki got what he wanted, yet somehow it all tasted bitterly. Did Tony trust him? Would the child ever forgive him? Could Loki forgive himself?

 

Little Ulv, "Wolf", greatly appreciated long warm baths and listening to the only lullaby Loki remembered. Always hungry, he greedily drank Loki's milk and refused to even try water or goat's milk.

'This is so weird,' Tony would say every time Loki breastfed the baby, 'you really got boobs. And milk, it looks like real milk, I honestly don't know what to think.'

'Will you stop staring?'

'I'm really doing my best, be patient with me. See? See these droplets on Ulv's lips? White, like real milk.'

 

Thor escorted them to Midgard, as if he guessed Loki was anxious about travelling with a defenceless baby. Tony proudly introduced Jarvis and Dummy to Ulv, who could not care less, then took his son to the nursery. Loki did not believe his own eyes. Everything was prepared, diapers, clothes, toys. Tony waited for his child, although he did not plan to become a father.

'This is your cradle,' Tony explained to Ulv, holding the baby close to his chest. He was still afraid of dropping the boy but at the same time he wished to make up for the lost time and bond with his son.'And this is your very first teddy bear, do you like it? See, you can hold it, yeah, these are his eyes, cool, huh?'

The walls painted green, Tony instinctively picked the most repelling shade, a dreadful mixture of goose poop, yellow and olive. Toys and furniture were both pink and blue, it looked terrible. Loki imagined a creamy white nursery, soothing and natural. Something told him Tony was drunk when he decorated this hellish room.

'It's beautiful,' Loki grinned at Tony and finally relaxed. 'Wonderful.'

'I'm glad you like it. Here, Ulv, try it out.'

Tony laid the baby in the cradle, on a fluffy white blanket and handed him another stuffed animal, a bunny. Ulv found its long ears particularly appealing and tasted them enthusiastically.

'Welcome home, son.'

 

The rest of the Avengers came to see Ulv. Heaving heard about Sleipnir, they expected a deformed animal, a monster. A completely harmless newborn Tony showed them was a positive surprise.

'Hey, there, buddy,' they greeted him awkwardly, unsure if Loki wouldn't attack them for touching the baby. 'Are you good for, umm, Mummy and, err, Daddy?'

Ulv cooed, pleased that he could pull their hair and smack their cheeks. His favourite was definitely Banner, or more precisely, his glasses. He also enjoyed Russian endearments he heard from Romanova. Barton glanced at Ulv warily and remained silent, while Rogers bravely requested permission to hold the baby. They all glanced at Loki, who nodded reluctantly. The green bundle of joy was carefully handed to Steve. All Loki wanted was to cradle the baby in his arms and never let him go, never let anyone even look at him but that would upset Tony.

Neither Loki's family nor Tony's friends pointed out that Ulv cheated death. No one asked Loki why the baby's life was spared. Maybe they thought the abduction was just a lie, a friendly favour from former allies. After all, no one died, Tony and Loki were back together and the precious child babbled happily. Was there a reason to tell the truth, to make Tony feel more guilty?

Everyone laughed when obviously intrigued Ulv vigorously patted Natasha's chest, such a smart boy, he was hungry and hoped that Romanova would feed him, just like Mummy. Steve returned the baby to Loki and they left, at least they were more discreet about breastfeeding than Tony.

 

Ulv was blissfully unaware of his parents' distress. He was a normal little boy, fond of being rocked in a steady, slow rhythm and deeply attached to his teddy bear. Mummy's milk stopped being that tasty once he discovered vegetable mush and chamomile tea. Everything was called "nana" and every object within Ulv's reach had to be licked thoroughly. He learnt to laugh and listened intently to Tony's ridiculous stories. Eventually, Loki stopped obsessively checking the baby's pulse and let Tony take Ulv outside. They were safe now.

 


End file.
